Historic market town, dealing with misworded adverts and chippy disputes. Home of Gransted Broadcasting House where they make Shrikeshire Today News. Don't ever forget the naughty knickers advent calendar scandal.

Seaside resort where cathedral windows get smashed yearly and panto was cancelled because Widow Twankie went commando. Jellyfish once stung both of Mayor Parsnip’s testicles here.

Coastal army base run by Colonel Bogey Bone. Young offenders forced to run in neon knickers. Local prison received 6,000 sex-toy crackers by mistake last Christmas. Sheep have been seen wearing lipstick.

Home to Shrikeshire’s fiercest feminists Phyllis and Moira, still awaiting an apology for being called “passable after eight pints”. Ice cube down blouse once triggered a three-hour ambulance drama.

Crime centre terrorised by the Brothers Batty who hack mobility scooters and send pensioners on 30-mile joyrides. Council offices and industrial estates where nothing ever works properly.

Rocky coves, caravan parks and a lighthouse inhabited by ex-adult film star Freddie McCreary. Drunk Reverend Matthews once tried to barbecue the keeper. Fireworks routinely fail here.

Toxic online capital. Home to cancellation sisters Sue & Mavis Patterson and father-son troll duo Finn & Stanley Popplewell. Birthplace of “Who shall we cancel next?” culture.

Site of the nuclear-obsessed power station. Manager Vivian Smolt laughs at 48-signature petitions and once tried bribing protesters with half-eaten mince pies. Tinsel banned on Boxing Day.

Large village and home to Joanne Diddles, millionaire Queen of Novelty Undies. Her husband once wore seven pairs at once to “pre-season the fabric”. Still smells faintly of crab meat.

Mayor Parsnip’s office and mini-supermarket war zone. Christmas pudding rebranded “festive raisin slop” caused full-scale brawl. Secret Santa chocolate genitalia scandal still whispered about.